Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Lingerie Crimes of 2015

I've missed you, my readers! Sorry for the absence. I wanted to get the second half of 2015 rolling with Lingerie Crimes! These are crimes that have happened in the past six months that may shock, interest, or, in general, just bewilder you. Lingerie Crimes aren't to be confused with how criminal the fit is for some lingerie brands (I'll let myself out), but just plain, old criminal stories.

Georgia Woman Accused Of Stealing 131 Pairs Of Underwear

In June, the Huffington Post reported on a woman trying to stuff 131 pairs of underwear in "her purse, a handbag and grocery bags." Criminals* don't usually post on Facebook about their (alleged) crimes but Ms. Julia Jones did, stating that "there may be a reason behind" her actions that are unknown to her friends, family and the public.

Why so many pairs, Jones? I don't understand!

*This fact is made up. Please don't destroy my small hope for humanity.

Looking For Answers About Underwear Thefts

Over the past six months, a Wyoming Victoria's Secret has been hit by thieves stealing $10,000 worth of lingerie. $10,000! I agree with one person's comments of "Why do you need to steal that many panties? What are you doing? Are they selling them on a black market or something?" This story raises some questions, though. Is there a lingerie ring of thieves or just an individual looking to cash in on cute PINK panties? Is someone trying to take down the "Man" and fight the patriarchy? But perhaps the greatest question is... IS there a black market for lingerie and is it called Silk (Panty) Road?

Also, in case you thought stealing vast quantities of VS merch was a rarity, then you would be incorrect.

Sirens: Mannequin Wearing Lingerie Missing After Burglary,...

This short police beat from The Chronicle deserves a small shout-out for this crime. Did they want the lingerie or the mannequin? Who knoooooows?

Frederick's of Hollywood closes all stores, strips down to Web

But the biggest criminal story of all is the closing of Frederick's of Hollywood brick-and-mortar stores! Who committed these crimes? We did!

Like Hollywood Video, Frederick's of Hollywood shuttered its doors due to the decline in actual humans going to actual stores. Instead, everyone was going to... Victoria's Secret. Now, Frederick's isn't perfect, but they make some gorgeous lingerie, like this Josefina set to the right (which you can buy online).

Keep in mind, Frederick's is a large corporation. And it's even easier for smaller, boutique stores to go belly-up, too. So don't be a criminal and go buy your lingerie at a local store. For the Oregon crowd, I suggest The Pencil Test. Don't become a criminal: buy local.

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